Faith N Friendship

Here's my article for my convo mag to all my dearest friends, who stood my me throughout that period- your encouraging words, guidance, support, faith, and prayer saw me through a low point in my life and for tatm you hav my utmost gratitude... MILLIONS THANK YOU!!!!

I believe faith remains an elusive comprehension among all of us. Each of us have our own yardstick of how strong our faith stands still when challenges are up there upon us. I felt compelled to write this article and wanted to share with u guys, after I experienced how I engaged the struggle to rebuild my faith in the midst of grave peril. It was a merely a year ago when this happened to me…This astringent memory stays vividly in me and had become part of my life, reminding me most of the time of my past mistakes. I flunked my semester 3 finals.
It never ceases to dampen me of how I can fail my major exams, as studies are never considered as a hurdle to me throughout my primary and secondary schooldays. I’m here not to boast how brilliant I am, but just to describe the contrast feeling that I encountered towards the first failure in my life that I never expected before. That afternoon everything stays fresh as ever in my mind. Upon receiving my results slip from AAD in MPH, I had a bad feeling, different from what I felt during the semester 1 finals results. My heart pounded profusely, and was sweating all over my palms n feet. I was expecting the worst, but I knew I wasn’t ready for it. I was too weak to face the imminent truth that my sixth sense had been telling me. I asked Poh Sen to help me to get open for me. Once he glanced at my result I knew my sixth sense was accurate, he drove his full attention towards me when he was actually still chatting happily with Aaron. He stared at me at his full acuity, and furrowed his brows before tapping me on my shoulder. We used to joke around nastily, but I knew he was real this time. I was hoping so much that it was just a prank, but I knew I was actually still procrastinating myself to face the truth.. the real truth that I failed. He showed me, and his first sentence were “there’s still time, don give up”. Yes, true enough I failed.
I paused, stared endlessly at the slip. I went blank. Thoughts, more thoughts and more undefined thoughts were dancing around my mind. I don’t know how to respond to it. Zhi yong broke the brief paused. He asked if I’m ok with my result. I passed my slip to him and I continued to pave my thoughts, pondering my impending future. Will I stay on board with other batchmates in M204? Will I still be able to fulfill my ambition to be a doctor or if it’s merely jus a dream that I’ve been craving for? I felt myself being a useless runt. I felt being a runt among my group of friends. Soon enough, Andrew, Hai Liang, Chin Pei, Sze Siew and Christina knew about my result. Chin pei and Christina came to me, tapping on my shoulder and tried at their best demeanor to comfort me. Glen was there too. I was still sitting on the chair, when Gordon came to me along with Hendrick. Both of them didn’t utter out a single word. Gordon looked at me, he knew I was trying my best to keep my composure cool, yet he did not stop me. It was a silence in the MPH, as if those who were in the MPH were mourning. Then, Poh Sen held my hands up and began to pave our ways out from the MPH. As we were out from the braodway, Desmond approached me, and introduced his dad to me before he realized that I failed. He prayed for me and gave me his number for me to contact him if I needed help. I was moved, touched by him and began to feel touched by my friends who had being with me earlier just now.
Upon reaching ground floor, Ganesh was there. He came to me and passed me past years papers and some tips that he found useful during his earlier preparation for the exams. Oh yes, Wern was there, on ground floor too, when she approached me with her un smile to cheer me up. I went back to my room accompanied by Wern. Upon reaching my room, fleeting thoughts of my parents ran across my mind and I couldn’t help it, and eventually burst into tears. Whimper of tears sobbing from my eyes, reflected questions in me of how I can fail the paper.. Did I neglected my studies for SRC? Taekwondo? Sports? Or maybe SMSes? Or maybe izzit coz I’m destined to fail? Sheers of silly thoughts hummed through my mind. I knew I was too late to think the causes. I turned to Wern for solace.
That night, I tried hard to sleep. I faced a monstrous nightmare in reality and it left me a very very deep misery and sorrow chapter in my life. I traced back again my mistakes and those encouraging words and SMSes by my fellow friends and family. I knew I couldn’t be in that situation for long and the only way out is to fight..to fight with perseverance of faith and hope, learning from my mistakes. Its not easy though, to withstand the horrendous pressure for 5 weeks when all my friends were having holidays, having fun with their electives, celebrating Chinese New Year, and so on. I had to mug for 5 weeks, attending remedial classes, study group, and worst of all, is the psychological push that is needed to prepare for another final. The weeks passed as though were years. I experienced episodes of sleepless nights. I tried to persevere my thoughts from time to time towards a positive outcome in the end. I tried to look for motivations from my friends via SMSes and calls. Days are getting nearer, and the fear of exams began to imprint in me. I never had this feeling of fearing exams before. I felt myself a coward, and loser in exams.. I was lucky enough that time to have my friends, lover and family with me that during crucial period.
Soon enough, the exams began, and all of the resit students underwent the paper with great torment. The paper was tough, in fact tougher than the real paper. Many small particulars were set as questions, and it was more clinically orientated. Dr.Thani, our coordinator, as usual with his humble abode calmed us down and told us that he’ll try his best. Results were out a week later then. Ironically, I felt contented. Neither do I feel scared nor anxious for it. Not nervous and no cold sweat, I remained calm on the day the results were out. I opened my slip myself, n yes….I’ve made it!!!
I hope I can share my article and would be able to contribute to u all as an inspirational true story when we’re at our bottom point of our lives. There are still infinite miles of journey that we need to travel along in our future undertakings as a doctor, companion, and parent. After this chapter, I strongly believe to myself that nothing is predestined. Everything happened for a reason, may it be because of our own mistakes. Hold on our faith when we met the obstacles halfway on our journey. The obstacles of our past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings… All the best !!!! 

“Special thanks to all my friends; Gordon,Poh Sen,Glen, thanx so much for ur encouraging words, SMSes, and guidance throughout tat period, ur notes; Hai Liang, Andrew, and Zhi Yong for ur q n a sessions during the last week before the real day; Ganesh, for ur tips and past year papers; Kok Hooi for ur past years papers and guidance; Desmond for ur prayers and company in the library during the remedial class week; Shio Yen and Wen Hao for ur prayers too; Hau Chun, Hendrick, Sze Liang, Hon Lian, Debbie, Christina, Kexin, Chin Pei, Sze Siew, Kim Kwan, Callista, Khai Luen, Ding, Sau Tjun,Chris Kia, fellow SRC members(Chow, Eve, Jing, Nadia, Raj, Shirline, Drick, Kah Heng), Pei Ling, Yi Jie, Sue Choo, Sumiin , my fellow seniors( Adeline, Shieh Ning, Kar Ying, Khang Hee n few more), Joe Quah, for u guys continuous effort n SMSes.. Last but not least, Wern for being a wonderful companion who never give up ur faith in me when my faith was stranded throughout tat period..”
Thanx too for all whom I forgotten to mention.. sorry eh :P

A proud M204-ian,
Yeang Wee